Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
