They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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