There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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