i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
