My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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