He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
