there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
