How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
