apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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