Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
