what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
