my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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