im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
