Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
