You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
