i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
