Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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