Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
either way he was missing a nipple.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
