all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
