Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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