they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
