I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
