I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
