You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
