I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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