I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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