you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
