They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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