we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
