it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
