somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
