just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
