So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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