no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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