Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
