Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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