Having a random hookup so left but love u
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
