I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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