Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
