Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
