I hate all girls vehemently.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
