I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
