before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
