I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
