Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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