I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think i have herpe
just one?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
