mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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