Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
