Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
