pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
